you’re probably wondering what that title refers to, well it refers to the first, and quite frankly the worst two scripts I’ve ever written so far. Those being Super Tommorow 3D Land and Matilda 64 (the first draft of which is the absolute worst) There are many reasons that make these two so bad, (the first draft of Matilda 64 in particular) first off, neither of them are original works, but are instead versions of two movies that already exist, those being Disney’s 2015 Tommorowland, based on the theme park of the same name, and Columbia Pictures’ 1996 Matilda film, based on the Roald Dahl book of the same name, the only difference between my version and theirs is the addition of characters such as Mario, Sonic, Super Sheep (who is one of the few original characters in these “stories”) and more.
Essentially, it’s a lot like those zany “Pooh’s Adventures” videos I watched as a kid in the sense that random characters are thrown into the story of an existing movie for no reason other than to have them help save the day. by the way, you’ll be able to find these old scripts (as well as the others) elsewhere in this category for your reading and critiquing pleasure.
as you can see, all I really did was take a poster of the original Movie and literally smash the other characters in there with no rhyme or reason. luckily for me, I’d end up improving more over time and not to mention how I’d start slowly introducing more original content over time.
but I’m getting ahead of myself, the points of this post are meant to be Matilda 64 and Super Tommorow 3D Land.
Another 3D Land?
I wrote Super Tomorrow 3D Land first because I had a bit of a soft spot for the original movie and thought to myself “ok, seems cool. But how about Sonic?” and then I just got stuck in without knowing what makes a good script. what do I mean by this exactly? well here’s the “entire original” cast list, with the characters I created being highlighted in bold
Characters n stuff: Casey Newton (the optimistic teen), frank walker (boy genius gone pessimist), Athena(the robot girl of no age), governor nix (future government villain guy), sonic the hedgehog (the fastest (and glitchiest) thing alive), Super Mario (princess rescuing plumber war hero), Pac man (ghost gobbler), Mega (Rock) Man (robotic hero and master copier), Miles “Tails” Prower (flying fox genius sidekick), Super Luigi (cowardly plumber brother who can bust ghosts), Knuckles The Echidna (master emerald guardian), AA (audio animatronic) leader (he’s a Robocop gone bad), Ty the Tasmanian tiger (Australian hero gone obscure), super sheep (AKA deus ex machina), Freddy fazbear(a children’s character gone murderer), bonnie bunny (sick with guitars), chica the chicken (PIIIZZZAAAAA), foxy the pirate fox (he be a pirate), sans the skeleton (pun loving monster), papyrus the skeleton (wants to be part of the royal guard), Mickey mouse (kind of a big deal), bugs bunny (best and smartest rabbit around), woody the cowboy (the toy with heart), buzz lightyear (a space ranger well not really he’s just a toy), Emmet brickowski (the special), Dr eggman (egg of a thousand evils), Bowser (princess snatcher), Rayman (limbless hero), sly (not the racoon the shadow knock off) and many many emoray (green text=character puns)
you may notice that 1: there’ so many characters, a good chunk of which end up being irrelevant to the story. (for example, that part where Woody and Buzz outright leave the story halfway through) 2: I didn’t even list the main villain of the film, that being the original character of Swows, a glitch virus thing that’s been around since the begging of video games. and 3: you don’t usually put a cast list in a script.
another particular thing I want to note is how I seem to have inadvertently written Mario to act very out of character in certain moments, you can see a hint of this when I mention about him being a dang war hero which as those of you that play the Mario games know, that never happens, (unless you’re talking about that one time he did bomb runs in a jungle) though then again, Mario’s not got much of a personality to go off of in the games (the shows are a different story)
some note worthy examples of this include the following, though keep in mind, these are taken from different parts of the story:
Athena: two A.A units targeted you for extermination
Casey: hang on A.A’s?
Athena: audio animatronics
Mickey: audio animatronics?
Athena: yes mouse man
Mickey: my creator Walt Disney made a thing called audio animatronics years before death
Bugs bunny: well Mickey looks like your audio animatronics have gone bad
Mickey: aw man
Mario: things going bad? That almost happened on a way larger scale
Casey: how so?
Mario: I’ll tell you later
Casey: will you take us there?
Frank: oh sure let me grab my err OF COURSE NOT!
Sonic: SICK BURN DUDE
Casey: then you’re not serious
Ty: you we’re saying mate?
(Time card saying one “forever” later)
(Frank uses a secret stairs entrance to get in)
Mario: took you one time card to think of that strategy
Frank: NO
(pushes the close all steel doors button)
Nick: umm you know that a one door shutting at a time system is kinda impractical because a person starting at one side of the house has a chance of breaking in
Judy: you mean like EVERYONE THATS AFTER US RIGHT NOW!
Frank: OH DAG NABBIT WHY ME!?
Mario: because you’re an idiot and I don’t really blame you because of what almost happened to everything long ago
Frank: and that would be?
Mario: tell you later mkay?
And Last but not least:
Frank: well they are putting so much power into it that even a ham radio can pick it up its just a matter of finding the right frequency.
Sonic: overkill much?
Mario: not as overkill as E.T.
Casey: ok can you please tell us what you are talking about Mario?
Mario: fine. Long ago in the year 1982 the character E.T. got created. I was assigned to be his tour guide to the fictional world. He and I became the best of friends. Until his game got released and he got glitch disease so he became my worst enemy. Then in 1985 after E.T.’s invasion was already almost over I had a team which consisted of me, the duck hunt dog and ducks and R.O.B the robot. We founded a resistance to kick E.T. out called operation N.E.S and we won. In fact I still have the weapon that I used on him which is called…
(pulls out the N.E.S zapper)
Mario: …the N.E.S zapper
Casey: so Mario you had a bad time with E.T right?
Mario: yes and I still have flashbacks to this day
After getting over the fact that Mario has essentially been carrying a gun throughout the story (even if it’s a Nintendo weapon) and he has out of character Vietnam style flashbacks to a giant reference to the 1983 video game crash, you might notice that this script doesn’t follow a traditional format where we have things such as the continuation bracket or basic scene transitions that go EXT/INT. LOCATION. TIME OF DAY. That’s something I wouldn’t end up doing until my college taster days when I ended up writing a script for a short called Super Sheep and the Volcanic Deep Dive of Hex Moother using writer-duet. (heck, this script doesn’t even have basic grammar and punctuations at times)
you may also notice that it’s literally just scenes from the original movie, with a minor exception for the final example nearer the end of the film, just with other random characters interjecting every once in a while. (it’s worse with Matilda 64 draft 1 because I actually had the movie on hand) you may also notice that the I threw in wasn’t very good (in some cases stating the obvious or just generally being rather stilted) because of the way it doesn’t flow in any natural way.
Another problem is that my version has an over reliance on self aware humour (and a couple of stolen jokes) in place of the actual substance from the original movie (mostly breaking the forth wall whenever possible) and a pinch of time travel (ya know, as if the whole “Girl wants to go see a place because pins” scenario from the original film wasn’t enough) which sounded good on paper, but the way it’s executed was just a convenient excuse to throw in characters like Sans and Papyrus from Undertale as well Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps from Zootropolis/Zootopia (I also tried to give them their own movie about time travel, because yes) despite the film supposedly taking place when those things weren’t around yet.
Now let’s move on to the problems with Matilda 64. here, we’ll be focusing on the second draft of Matilda 64 because I think it’s overall better due to some of the creative liberties I took with parts of the story (namely the end where the narrator, who also turns out to be harry wormwood because Danny Devito played both those characters, is revealed to be the villain all along)
wait, there are 64 Matildas?
Now this one shares a few elements with Super Tommorow 3D Land, They both feature Mario and Sonic (who in this story are rivals that learn to get along because this is 1996) at the centre of the story except here the characters I threw in actually play more of a role, they both share time travel as a plot element and this time it served as an excuse to bring The Night Pig and later Super Sheep and Hugo into the story (which now makes 3 original characters, 4 if you count Hex Moother’s appearance after the credits), they both feature at least one character that’s blatantly out of character (this time, I made Oswald the Lucky Rabbit into a weapon welding assassin who’s with the bad guys) and they brazenly infringe on copyright law.
Another change that was much needed from the first draft (if you can even call it that) was that it actually starts off with Mario and Sonic getting into a fight and getting sucked into the Matilda world against their will, I decided to take that change on board after one of my friends of high school went with that Idea when we were doing an “NX Dimension Hoppers” version (or Eternals NX as it was known back then) of the story as part of a paradox multiverse arc using our imaginations where we took on the roles of different characters, including our original characters of Kyle and Sam, (who are the “dimension hoppers” in question) who would go into the film and join in the plot, so we have him to thank for essentially improving the project. (but I’m getting off topic)
here are some examples of how the elements I added actually play into the plot (keep in mind these are taken from different parts of the “story”):
Mickey Mouse: (from out of the window) psssst, (Whispering) you think you can help us out?
(Miss Honey and the camera look out the window where we see Mickey Mouse and Bugs bunny)
Miss Honey: Mickey? Bugs? You guys are… …real?
Bugs: you know it doc
Miss Honey: well considering the Hedgehog looking creature, the man with the floating limbs and everything else I’ve seen today this is one of the least weird things I’ve found out all day.
Bugs: wait, did you say “Hedgehog looking creature?”
Miss Honey: yes why?
Mickey Mouse: well we recently heard about the disappearances of both Mario and Sonic.
Miss Honey: wait, I saw a weird short man named Mario in my class hanging out with that blue hedgehog looking creature
Bugs: well, I think you might just have found our warring pals
Mickey Mouse: you know where they went?
Miss Honey: they went with Matilda to her house, I was just about to head there myself, you guys want to come
Bugs: well sure, why not doc? Let’s go
(Miss Honey, Mickey and Bugs then go off to Matilda’s House)
In the original, we never see miss honey leave the school (at least on screen) which makes this an entirely new scene created for this story, not that it says much considering all the copyright infringement. Another example includes what you’re about to read below
Trunchbull: the entire school will stay five hours after school, and any children who object will be thrown in the Choky TOGETHER! NOW KINTOBOR! GET OVER HERE NOW!
(Robotnik gets on stage with a thing being covered by a sheet)
Robotnik: greetings students. It’s me, Wacky scientist professor person Kintobor, and I’m here to unveil a brilliant creation I’ve been working on. (pulls the sheet to reveal a deactivated Metal Sonic) the urr… Multi Economical Taxi Against Land hedgehogs, Or M.E.T.A.L for short.
(Camera then cuts to Matilda who notices that Sonic’s missing)
Matilda: (Whispering) anyone seen Sonic?
(Before anyone responds we see Sonic rush (ha ha Sonic Rush ha ha) past everyone to get right to Metal Sonic)
Sonic: ROBOTNIK!
(Metal Sonic activates and starts going after our beloved hero)
Sonic: uh oh
(Metal Sonic then gets the first hit on um, Fleshy Mac-normal Sonic I guess)
Robotnik: eeerrm, as you can see kids, one of my robot’s main features is that it can determine who’s currently a threat and will go out of its way to eradicate the threat, as my good friend Sonic is demonstrating.
(We see Sonic and Metal Sonic are still clashing)
(Camera cuts back to Mario and company)
Mario: right, thats-a it. Rayman: you’re with a-me. Mickey, Bugs: get everyone out of here. Matilda: get outta here.
(Mario and Rayman then join in and help Sonic while Mickey and Bugs evacuate Matilda and everyone that isn’t Robotnik, Miss Trunchbull or Oswald)
(However, in spite of everyone’s best efforts. Metal Sonic is still able to defeat them, because this is the first fight between heroes and villains. Therefore the good guys must have their faces kicked in)
The original version of this scene from the actual Matilda never had a fight scene sprinkled in here (well, to be fair, it’s not like the original needed it), but I think the best of these liberties come in the end where the whole story shifts towards being more original on it’s own terms.
Storm Trooper 1: alright boys, lets finally hit something for once in our lives.
(everyone then hears a sort of Laser-ing Noise)
(The camera pans to reveal that a rectangular hole is being created in a wall just left of Matilda)
(The piece of wall then falls down to reveal two silhouettes)
???: alright, who’s evil space station is this anyway? (to Matilda) is it yours kid?
(Matilda shakes her head)
???: good. Because if it was, you’d be for it now (chuckles)
(The two silhouettes then walk out into where Matilda and the Storm Troopers are to reveal themselves as none other than Super Sheep and Hugo “where I Go” the Shape Shifter)
Hugo: so kid, where’s The Night Pig now?
Matilda: getting his two co-conspirators?
Super Sheep: oh, well he just did kid. We’re the ones he was talking about.
Matilda: What?!
Storm Trooper 1: EVERYBODY FIRE!
Super Sheep: whoop, looks like there’s no time for introductions kid, we’ve got fish to fry
(The Storm Troopers then fire their blasters at our 3 heroes)
Hugo: right, that’s it. Kid, take this riot shield
Matilda: what riot shie-
(Hugo turns himself into a riot shield)
(Matilda grabs this riot shield)
Super Sheep: of all the enemies I could be fighting in my big on-screen debut, it had to be guys with really bad aim. Oh well, I’ve clearly expected too much from “The Man That Makes.”
(Super Sheep then starts beating up the Storm Troopers)
(Super Sheep beats all of the Storm Troopers up like the overpowered bunghole that he is, which in effect ruins all tension built up until this very moment because now there are two overpowered characters that could end the story right now. But I’m getting ahead of myself)
Super Sheep: well now that thats out of the way how about introductions. My name is Super Sheep, please don’t tell the Superman of this time that I exist, and this shape shifter you’ve just used as a riot shield is Hugo.
Hugo: yeah, and by the way, OW!
Matilda: well, I’m Matilda
Super Sheep: well fantastic, now that we all know each other, let’s go find that Night Pig shall we?
this climax (from when the death egg shows up all the way to when our heroes destroy it) is actually my favourite part of this whole mess because it’s where most of my imagination and creativity went into. (in other words, it’s the best part by default because it doesn’t follow the original film’s blueprint) it’s also good because Super Sheep gets to be more in tune with his situation and I start to give him more focus (despite him and Hugo having a late entrance) until the end where he and the boys (those being Hugo and The Night Pig) have to go back to the future (which is 2018 as far as the film is concerned) they’ve now had a hand in fixing.
well, it’s been fun looking back on my own work years later with a critical eye, I think it’ll help me get an Idea as to what went well and what didn’t so that hopefully none of my future work (including the Super Sheep Movie Script) fall into these same pitfalls. So join me next time, when we look back on that time I made Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps from Zootropolis go time travelling with the help of Ratchet and Clank from the Ratchet and Clank Series.
Sam Gordon's Media Journal 